sometimes i like being left alone..

i sometimes have this urge that shuts anything else in me..
the urge to push everybody away
and jst b with my self
i wanna go far away..
and never wanna look back
the past hurts.. u know
everything that we once had became something else
more dreadful
more severe..

sometimes i like being left alone..
jst to b with my self and think..
what have i done to deserve such an injury?!..
such pain that kills me inside over and OVER AGAIN!!
all what u have been to me.. was a lovely shade..
u were e remarkable dream
a dream that i can't jst quite forget..

i want it back !!
every thing..

the dragging lulls.. and the visionary whispers cutting the edge of the night ..

the thing is
i don't want you any more

i want someone else..
someone who actually cares ..
someone who wants me the same as i need him ..

i want someone who is much better than you..
but right now ...
i jst want to be left alone..
jst by my self ..

dedicated to my talented baby sister..

i wrote this piece 2 years ago in a final exam in writting..

it's about childhood friend..


i don't know why.. but i jst felt like publishin' it..

dedicated to my talented baby sister :)
-------------------------

Childhood Friend

I remember it as if it were yesterday. The first time she appeared in my life to make it blossom, like a wild dashing rose. I never had any friends actually. Not until I was 15. But with her I never needed any friends. Her name is Miral. In Turkish it meant a young Gazelle. And so was she, a young, wild, lovable Deer. When ever I think of her I remember all of her "Childhood Adventures" as I like to call them. One of her own adventures that I like to remember is backing a cake on the kitchen's floor. She was only 4 while I was 8. My mother found her on the floor putting milk and eggs on the flour. And she was very happy with her "Cake on the Floor". Mom was very angry but I laughed till the other day. Another accident of her lovable games I still remember is "Swimming with the Fishes". We found her in the bathroom sink swimming with the uncooked fish my father bought us for dinner. Yes. She was always a trouble maker. But somehow I was in love with the way she makes life noisy but yet comfortable to live. I admit it. Being an older sister always gave me something to fear. But she always made me want to be a better person. She was always by my side when I needed her. And that's all what friendship is about. I've watched her growing up over the years of my life like a wild Gazelle. And yet I've watched her making life such a fantasy world worth to live. I'm proud to say it now after 13 years of giving and caring. That she is my young sister, my real best friend.
Written by,
Nehal

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all the drawings in this piece are by my talented baby sister :)
hope she achieve her dream of getting into Art school :)
may God bless u with a HAPPY, Wonderful new year Marmar :)

Jaque Fresco's Utopia on earth.. "the venus project"

i used to think that the concept of utopia is way beyond our reach in the physical form..
that every one holds some pieces of it within..
that it's something moral than a tangible fact..
but after this.. i guess that the utopia can really be made.

i have seen lately William Gazeki’s documentary "Future by Design"

and it's truley Amazing..
Jaque Fresco show us the way to build a new civilization that is not "perfect" but better..
some say that there isn't a thing such as perfection..
well, i think Jaque Fresco's point of view is pretty amazing..
we donot want to be perfect
but we know that we can do much better..
that we can make both technology and environment coexist without distroying one another..
i think every body should see the William Gazeki’s documentary "Future by Design"

for those who haven't you can have a quick glance at my very personal "utopia on earth" by Jaque Fresco..


http://consultaglobal.wordpress.com/2007/06/14/

PHASES

DENIAL

the truth is i don't know what is wrong with me lately..
I'm being cheerful more than ever..
I'm always smiling.. laughing..trying to have fun and to live my life to the extreme.
something i'm not used to do usually..
my best friend thinks it's because of the shock..
what?!
shock!!
do i look shocked to anyone?!!
i'm just feeling a little happy that's all.
i'm feeling freedom crossing through me.. just pass me by.
is it so wrong for me to be happy..
i mean..
i can be happy.. without being shocked

ANGER


what the FUCK !!
what does he mean by that?
did he just dump ME !!
or was he just playing STUPID.. and faking GOOD..
"i don't want u to wait 4 me" like he doesn't really want me to suffer..
YEAH right, i belive u ... NOT !!
what did he say again
"i didn't want to hurt u.. by teeling u i don't have feelings 4 u"
WELL, you should of thought about this EARLIER when u FUCKING made me believe u were FUCKIN' IN LOVE with me..
and now look who is the one who got HURT
of course the STUPID girl who is HEAD OVER HEELS 4 someone who doesn't deserve a SHIT !
you know what?
i don't CARE !!
i don't EVEN CARE about someone so FUCKIN' LOW..
you are just PATHETIC..
i pity u cause u wont get to feel the truth about LOVE
u know why..
cause your a fuckin' JURK !
that's why...

BARGAINING

well..
i guess i was wrong !
not about you bieng a JURK.. cause belive me i still belive u will never change..
some people never change ,you know.
but i guess i just can't understand what u r
for all what i've had seen from u was just too much for me to take.
i just felt for the first time plain HATRED !!
and now..
looking from where i'm standing right now..
i can tell u i would do anything just to have u back..
and i don't know why..
it looks like life isn't complete that way..
when u r not around..
there is always something missing.
you where everything that i'm not.
and now look where u took me..
u took me to BARGAINING.
i just would do anything to take all those years back..
to be just your friend and nothing more..
to be there for you
and you will be there for me too.
i just can't comprehend right now why can't we take all those years like nothing had happend
as of i never loved you..
but you know..
i just wish..
and not all my wishes come true.


ACCEPTANCE

well, what do you know !!
we all have to reach this point some time.
i think I've accepted the fact that you wont be there for me after all!
i guess I'm shocked !
between you and me, i think i'm OVER YOU !
Yeah, i know.. it feels GREAT!
i mean it was just like a minute ago when u told me u don't love me..
and .. i just don't care.
I'm getting along with my life.
with the fact that i can find somebody else.
infact.. i don't even think about getting in another relationship anytime soon.
i'm more about my courier now.
about my future.. it's all what i'm thinking about now..
i actually feel better.
not that i have anything against your gendre or something ..
i'm still straight if that's what u mean, But i dont think that i'm the type of girl who wants to get married.
i mean all these cheerful occasions and the cheering life.. they are just not me.
i more of a MODERN WOMEN now.
all what's importent for me is what i'll make of my self.
i think i've been changed to someone else, huh ?!
but the thing is..
i'm not angry anymore..
i'm not weak any more..
i think i've become a more realistick person..
and i'm happy of what i've become..
a much stronger women.
but the thing is..
what has been happening very often lately that..
Guys ask me out and i often say yes but it turns to be that they think of me as a potential lover but i don't get the real of it until it's too late and they're already head over heels for me.
so you see. the thing that have been bothering me too much is that
i've become a cold-blooded HEARTBREKER !!

...

I realized something EXTREMLY

EXOTIC today..

i still miss u..

DAMN IT!!!